How to make your husband happy?

The following article is a summary of the book "How to Make Your Husband Happy" by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.

1. Beautiful Reception

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you,

* Begin with a good greeting.

* Meet him with a cheerful face

* Beautify and perfume yourself

* Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested

* Receive him with loving and yearning sentences

* Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.

2. Beautify and Soften the Voice

For your husband only, it shouldn't be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried)

3. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

* Take good care of your body and fitness.

* Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes.

* Bathe regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or bad smells.

* Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape

* Avoid prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoos

* Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes

* Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.

4. Satisfaction With What Allah (subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa) Has Allotted

* You shouldn't be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job

* You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah (subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa) for all that was given to you.

* You should remember that real wealth lies in faith and piety.

5. Indifference to Worldly Things

* You should not consider this world as your hope and interest.

* You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things.

* Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible (Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the Hereafter and utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Al-Jannah).

* Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.

6. Appreciation

* By the saying of the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam), the majority of people in Hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.

* The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways

* The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be disappointed and will start asking himself: "Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?"

7. Devotion and Loyalty

* In particular in times of calamities in your husband's body or business e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy

* Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.

8. Compliance to Him

* In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram)

* In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant.

9. Pleasing Him If He Is Angry

First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger. But if it happens that you can't, then try to appease him as follows:

* If you were mistaken, then apologize

* If he was mistaken then:

Keep still instead of arguing or

Yield you right or

Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him.

* If he was angry because of external reasons then:

Keep silent until his anger goes

Find excuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, someone insulted him

* Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened e.g.

1) You should tell me what happened!

2) I must know what made you so angry!

3) You are hiding something, and I have the right to know!

10. Guardianship While He is Absent

* Protect yourself from any prohibited relations

* Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don't like other people to know.

* Take care of the house and children.

* Take care of his money and properties

* Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijaab

* Refuse people whom he does not like to come over

* Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place

* Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence

11. Showing Respect for his Family and Friends

* You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents.

* You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives.

* You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife

* Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.

* Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home

12. Admirable Jealousy

* Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulting or backbiting others disrespecting them, etc…

* You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.

13. Patience and Emotional Support

* Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.

* When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your husband, his and your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.

* When facing hardships in Da'wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested etc.

* Be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of Paradise.

* When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment.

14. Support in Obedience to Allah, Da'wah and Jihad

* Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.

* Encourage him to pray at night.

* Listen and reciting the Qur'aan individually and with your husband.

* Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.

* Remember Allah subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa, much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.

* Share in arranging Da'wah activities for women and children.

* Learn Islamic rules (ahkaam) and good manners ('adab) for women.

* Support your husband's activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.

* Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da'wah

* Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah, subhaanahu wa ta'aalaa.

15. Good Housekeeping

* Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged

* Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom

* Perfect food (preparation) and prepare healthy foods

* Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing

* Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.

16. Preservation of Finances and the Family

* Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.

* Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.

* Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.

Taken from : Al-Haramain.org Newsletter

60 Islamic ways to get and keep your wife's love

1. Make her feel secure; (sakina- tranquillity) QUIT BEING AGGRESSIVE

2. When you go home say 'Assalamualaikum. ' (Greetings) It kicks the shaitaan out of your home!

3. Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) described the wife as a fragile vessel and said to take care of this vessel that’s fragile. Remember that there is goodness in this vessel so treat it gently.

4. When you advise her, do so in privacy, in a peaceful environment. NOT IN PUBLIC as it’s a type of slandering.

5. Be generous to your wife- it keeps her LOVED

6. Move and let her have your seat. It will warm her heart.

7. AVIOD ANGER. HOW? Keep your wudu at all times. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said if you are angry, sit down, if you’re sitting, then lie down. Follow the sunnah!

8. Look good and smell great for your wife. IT keeps the LOVE!

9. Don’t be rigid. It will break you. Prophet Mohammed – sallallahu alaihi wa sallam (SAW means “May the blessings and the peace of Allah be upon him” (Muhammad).) said 'I am the best amongst you and I am the best to my wife'. Being rigid and harsh will not bring you close to Allah and neither does it make you more of a man.

10. Listen to your wife-BE a GOOD LISTENER

11. YES to flattering NO to arguing. Arguing is like poison in a marriage. Al zawai said 'When Allah (swt) wants evil for people He will leave them to argue amongst themselves'.

12. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said to call your wives with the best name, any name she loves to hear. Prophet Mohammed sallallahu alaihi wa sallam called Aisha 'ya Aish' as an endearment.

13. Give her a pleasant surprise. I.e. if she loves watermelon, bring her one out of the blue. It will grow the love in her heart.

14. Preserve your tongue! Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said the tongue will throw people in the hell fire so watch what you say and how you say it!

15. All of us have shortcoming. Accept her shortcoming and Allah (swt) will put barakat in your marriage.

16. TELL her you appreciate her. SHOW her you appreciate her.

17. Encourage her to keep good relation with her relative, her mum and dad etc.

18. Speak with her with a topic of HER interest.

19. In front of her relative praise her. Confirm/ realize that she is wonderful, and that she is a good person in front of her family.

20. Give each other gifts. You will love each other more. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said gifts increases love.

21. Get rid of the routine once in a while, surprise her with something, it will get rid of the rust and polish it!

22. Husnul zaan- We have a demand from Allah (swt) that we have to think good of people. Think good of your spouse.

23. Ignore some of her mistakes- pretend you did not see/hear some of her small mistakes. It was a practice of Ali (RA). It’s like putting a hole in your memory. Don’t save it in your memory!

24. Increase the drops of patience, especially when she is pregnant or when she is on her monthly period.

25. Expect and respect her jealousy. Even Aisha (ra) used to get jealous.

26. Be humble. If your profession is good, respect that she is looking after your children, she is much more than you, she is the leader at home, her strength is your strength, and her success is your success.

27. Don't put your friends above your wife.

28. Help your wife at home. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam used to help his wives at home and he was the best of creation. He used to sew his own clothes.

29. Help her respect your parents, you can’t force her to love them, but she can be helped to gradually love them.

30. Show your wife she is the ideal wife.

31. Remember your wife in your duaas. It will increase the love and protect it.

32. Leave the past. It brings nothing but pain and grief. It’s not your business. The past is for Allah (swt).

33. Don't try to show her that you are doing her a favour by doing something, like buying food for the house, because in reality we are the courier of sustenance, not the providers, as Allah is the provider. It’s also a way of being humble and thankful to Allah (swt)

34. Shaitaan is your enemy, not your wife. Sometime when husband and wife are talking a fight breaks out, then shaitaan is present there as a third person so he is the real enemy. It is not enough to hate the shaitaan, but you have to see him as an enemy as Allah has commanded. Shaitaan loves divorce. HE comes everyday and sits office and asks the devils what they have done, some say i have made a person steal, or i have made someone drink etc. And one devil will say i have made a man divorce his wife, and he is crowned as the one who has done the best job.

35. Take the food and put it in her mouth. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam taught us this. It’s a blessing. The food doesn’t just go to her stomach, but straight to her heart. It increases the love and mercy between you.

36. Protect your wife from the evil of the shaitaan and mankind. She is like a precious pearl that needs protecting from the envy of human devils and shaitaan.

37. Show her your smile. Smile at your wife. IT’S A CHARITY.

38. Small problems/ challenges can become a big problem. Or if there is small thing she didn't like and you keep repeating them anyway, it will create a wall between you. Don’t ignore them as it can become big.

39. Avoid being harsh hearted and moody. Allah said of prophet (saw) 'if you were harsh hearted they (the companions) would have left you.' It confirms prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam was not harsh hearted, so GET RID OF IT.

40. Respect her thinking. It’s strength for you. Show you like her thoughts and suggestions.

41. Help her to achieve her potential and help her to dig and find success within as her success is your success.

42. Respect the intimate relationship and its boundaries. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said she is like a fragile vessel and she needs to be treated tenderly. Sometime she may not be feeling well; you must respect and appreciate that feeling.

43. Help her to take care of the children. Some men think it makes them appear less of a man but in fact it makes you appear a bigger man and more respected, especially in the sight of Allah (swt).

44. Use the gifts of the tongue and sweet talk her. Tell her she looks great, be an artist. Pick and choose gifts of the tongue.

45. Sit down and eat with her and share food with her.

46. Let her know you are travelling. Don't tell her out of the blue as it’s against Islam. Tell her the date/ time of when you are coming back also.

47. Don't leave the house as soon as trouble brews.

48. The house has privacy and secrecy. Once you take this privacy and secrecy to your friends and family you are in danger of putting a serious hole in your marriage. This secrecy stays home. Islam is against leaving them out like a garage sale for anyone to come and pick and choose.

49. Encourage each other for ibadah, i.e. plan a trip for hajj or umrah together. It increases and strengthens the love when you help each other perform a good deeds together i.e, do tahajuud together,or go to a dars together etc.

50. Know her rights, not only written in paper but engraved in your heart and engraved in your conscious.

51. Allah( swt) said 'live with your wives in kindness.' Treat them with kindness and goodness. It means in happy times and in sadness treat her with goodness and fairness.

52. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam showed that at the time of intimacy. Don’t jump on your wife like an animal!

53. When you have a dispute with your wife don’t tell everyone. It’s like leaving your wounds open to germs so be careful who you share your problems and disputes with.

54. Show your wife you really care for her health. Good health of your wife is your good health. To care for her health shows her that you love her.

55. Don’t think you are always right. No matter how good you are you have shortcomings. You are not perfect as the only one who was perfect in character was prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam Get rid of this disease.

56. Share your problems, your happiness, and your sadness with her.

57. Have mercy on her weakness. Have mercy when she is weak or strong as she is the fragile vessel. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said that your wife is a trust in your hand.

58. Remember you are her strength, someone to lean on in times of hardship.

59. Accept her as she is. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said that women are created from the rib which is bent. If you try to straighten her you will break her (divorce). Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said that you may dislike one habit in her but you will like another manner in her so accept her as she is.

60. Have good intention for your wife all the time, Allah monitors your intention and your heart at all times. Allah (s.w.t) said Among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.